Search
  • writer, shutter-bug & bookworm
  • Email: nitrogue@gmail.com
Search Menu

XXX

 

Ever tried asking someone if they’ve watched porn? And the famous dialogue of all time is uttered by him or her, “Owhh no! I accidently watched it once”

 

Accidently?? What, you was flipping through the channels and thought it was National Geographic or something??

 

Everyone has watched it but most of us are embarrassed to admit it. There’s no such thing as, “Owh i watched it accidently”. If you’ve watched it, you HAVE watched it. Stop being Pope John Paul II by playing innocent.

 

The famous pornsite that all Malaysian Indians got introduced to was the infamous Desibaba. Now that site, had a huge cult following in Malaysia. Take an Indian friend of yours for a round of counter-strike in some dingy cyber cafe, the first thing he’ll say to you, “Macha, take the end seat. I got something to show you” And he gives you that wink. That wink says it all, “Today, my friend, I’m going to show you the secret and I’m going to liberate you. ”

 

And you sit next to him nervously, constantly observing the cyber cafe dude at the counter and your surroundings while your friend adjusts the PC monitor, facing him only so that no one sees what you guys are watching and doing.

 

And here’s the sad part, when you do that, everyone KNOWS what you’re watching. So quit adjusting the monitor around and just watch it anyway!

 

So your Indian friend introduces you to Desibaba.com and that’s the day you know you will see Aishwarya Rai, Madhuri Dixit, Kajol and many more of your Bollywood fantasies flashing before your eyes. You think they’re real until some genius comes along and tells you two years later that all those images were Photoshoped.

 

And then you start learning Photoshop.

 

No one actually gets caught watching porn in a cyber cafe. It’s their source of business! Who cares if you have a dude at the far end jerking off secretly. Money is money. It’s people who watch porn in the cyber cafes are the ones who makes these dudes rich! They will sit for hours and hours just looking at all those raunchy clips. And the occasional visits to the toilets. The only thing you got to worry about as a cyber cafe entrepreneur when you have these kind of “clients” are the viruses and the water bills.

 

I remember crowding around with my friends watching porn in the cyber cafe. We were like, “Woww!! She actually did that??” We were the noisiest bunch of fellas there. And the dude at the counter didn’t mind. Infact he came over and said, “Aiyar… ini budak kecik pinya lar.. Mari saya tunjuk you lagi best punya”

 

Before the internet, there were tapes and vcds. By my time, VCDs were famous and everyone referred porn as “Blue Film”. I always wondered to myself, way back when I was an innocent little uncorrupted child, why the heck do they call it Blue Film? Is it because the whole thing is in blue and the people doing it in a blue colored environment? Or are they a bunch of people in blue doing it? I was curious.

 

I got my answers when I saw it for the first time in my life when I was in high school. And trust me, pornography has nothing to do with the color blue. Full HD and DVD quality, yes, but not blue buddy.

 

And people always have this perception where if you watch porn or you “accidently” watched porn, you’re the biggest sinner in the whole wide world and you’ll die in hell. If you tell them that you’ve watched porn, they gasp and they go like, “Owhh my God!! You did that???”

 

But I bet my million dollars they’re the ones who sit at the PC in the nights, alone in their dark room, jerking off to The Little Mermaid.

 

After the Blue Film era, came the Internet. And the Internet was known for one thing and only one thing.

 

Porn.

 

It’s porn that made the internet famous. Do a Google search now by typing, “Girls”. And then click on Images. You will see a whole list of pictures of girls making out and having sex. What does that say to you? Are girls getting famous?? No! It’s the Internet telling you, “Look man! Use me!”

 

That’s the Internet for you. No porn, no internet. No internet, porn is still there.

 

Porn is business.

 

If you go to a pirate VCD store, there’s always this dark, dingy store room at the far end. Wanna know what’s inside there? Yepp you guessed it right, porn.

 

When I was a kid, we always played this dare game. We dared our friends to go to a VCD shop and buy porn.

 

So once, in form 4, we played this game. I had this friend, i guess he matured very fast because he had a goatee and stuff. So we said to him, “Dude, go to that VCD shop there and ask for porn”

 

He went over and after 5 minutes he was back with a copy of a Thai porn in his hands. Don’t ask me why he chose Thai.

 

So then it came to my turn. I went over to the guy and said to him, “Err bang… itu ada kah?”

 

“Apa itu?”

 

“Itu lahh…” I was getting nervous.

 

“Apa itu?? Cakap itu movie punya nama lar nanti saya boleh cari”

 

I didn’t know how to say it to him but thankfully my prayers were answered when i turned around and saw an empty cd cover with the image of a Japanese porn star hanging on one of the cd shelves.

 

I pointed to that. The dude looked at it, looked at me, stared at me for a moment and then burst out laughing.

 

“Aiyoo thamby… nanti you punya emak marah lorr”

 

Damn…

 

And then there were those occasional porn watching events at one of our friend’s place. We would all go over to his place during holidays because he says he’s got the latest video game on his Playstation. So we would all buy soft drinks and junk food over to his place.

 

Next hour, everyone’s hands are in their pant’s pockets. And some will pretend as though they’re just watching a normal movie. They give this “I dunno wat the heck is happening” look. Some would cover the whole “Action happening down under” by covering themselves up with a blanket. 

 

And there would always be this one pervert who would go to the nearest room and watch the movie from there. And when you ask him why is he watching the movie too far off, he would reply, “No lar bro, my eyes will get spoilt”

 

Yeahhhh right.

 

funny-dog-pictures-what-has-been-seen

Comments

Leave a Comment

Required fields are marked *.


This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.