“Emancipate yourself from mental slavery; none but ourselves can free our minds.”
There are various methods in meditating to be honest. Some prefer sitting quietly in a corner trying to think of nothing (which never helps really). Some prefer chanting a mantra repeatedly in their head. Some focus on sound. Some on their breath (I do this often, it’s called Pranayama).
But on that fateful day, which was the second or third day of my trip in India, was when I realised and discovered something new and amazing.
As I sat, concentrating on my breath, inhaling and exhaling, I grew tired of the process. I got frustrated. Thoughts and memories kept creeping in despite my efforts of trying to concentrate. Visuals of my father’s dead body on the kitchen table. Visuals of Swami’s physical passing.. Voices and faces of people I loved and lost.. everything. They haunted me in the Darshan Hall.
I opened my eyes and observed Swami’s Samadhi. It was a weird sight to see the Samadhi as that was the spot where Swami used to sit once. I know it’s foolish of me to think that my Master’s gone and I do know, that in truth, Swami’s never gone. He’s in us. We just got to realise it.
That was the problem. Realising. We all know, but not many realise it.
I closed my eyes and Bhajans began. I kept trying to focus on my breath but it didn’t work. Then I used some methods taught to me by Doctor Sola (someone I met in Parthi) and Sherwin.
As silly as it sounded, I closed my eyes and in my head, I called upon Archangel Uriel, Mother Isis, Mother Kuan Yin and Father Swami. I pictured, or rather imagined/visualised them surrounding me with Swami at the front.
And then I asked of them four, “Please heal me. Physically, mentally and spiritually. Just heal me.”
This went on for a few minutes. And then I imagined Swami rising from the Samadhi, walking towards me, standing before me, smiling and since my palms were open (during meditation I usually open my palms), I visualised him releasing two energy orbs, each from his palms. One was in the color of healing, green and the other was in the color of cleansing, blue.
I visualised the orbs slowly being released from his hands to both my open palms. I imagined the warmth, the weight of the orbs and true enough, I could feel the weight and warmth. With that, I “smeared” myself, made sure the orbs were evenly rubbed on my face, head, body, hands and legs.
I even visualised Swami sitting infront of me, seated in the lotus position, healing light’s being released from his crown chakra to my crown chakra. Healing light also released from his mouth chakra to mine. And healing light and energy being released from his heart chakra to mine (I owe thanks to Doctor Sola for this visualising technique).
I also did some hand gestures. Scooping, smearing, raising of hands at random moments when I felt like it (by the way, all these hand gestures have deeper significance and symbolism. Look up for Mudras). I was completely psycho. But I had to be psycho. I really wanted to be healed and free.
To a normal person, one might think I’ve gone loco.
But the visualising technique and hand gestures really helped me so much!
I started visualising many things. I once even visualised myself shedding my old skin, like a snake does, leaving the old torn skin, walking naked with my new skin on, going under a waterfall and taking a refreshing bath. And I visualised myself coming out of the waterfall completely rejuvenated, beaming with love and joy, sleeping on green grass, feeling completely free.
To protect myself further during my meditation periods in the Darshan Hall (the Darshan Hall is where all the prayers and Bhajans takes place), I also used to imagined myself in a cylinder, just big enough to fit me in, made out of bullet proof glass, with a sign on the glass that says, “Negativity Not Allowed! Only Positive Energy Allowed In.” This method has helped me a lot as well in terms of dealing with weird folks in the Darshan Hall (many locals usually enjoy chatting with foreigners and this can serve as a hindrance).
I meditated for nearly 3 hours everyday during my stint in Parthi. It started with visuals as described above and imagining positive things. Then prayers to be healed and cleansed, followed by prayers for forgiveness. All these I run through slowly in my head. Sometimes when I’m tired of visualising, I do the Pranayama and other times I listen to the Rudram Chants (they chant Rudram before the Bhajans) and when I grow tired of that, I start visualising again. Then Bhajans begin. My eyes are still closed and I hear the Bhajans. This is when I let myself loose and relax. I switch positions as my legs get painful during this time. There were also times when I think I dozed off but I’m still aware that I dozed off. It’s a weird state. There were times when I listened to the Bhajans, my legs moving to the beat of the songs. I sway. I let loose. I enjoy. I become happy. I become one with the Bhajans.
Then Bhajans end and Arathi is shown to Swami’s Samadhi. I raise my hands, imagining that I’m scooping the warmth loving, healing light/orb from the Arathi fire, and I proceed to “smear” myself with the Arathi fire. I visual my body made out of sponge, just absorbing every ounce of positive energy from Swami’s Samadhi, I imagine myself getting bloated with all the positive energy. At times, I imagined green light emanating from the Swami directly at me, healing me. Then this is when I go into deep meditation. There are times when I felt like I’m hovering somewhere but everything’s dark, but I feel really weightless. Free. Happy. Filled with love and joy.
Then comes the time for the Samadhi Darshan. This is when everyone in the hall lines up to pay homage to Swami’s Samadhi. I say my prayer again, “Please heal me physically, mentally and spiritually.” And I rest my hands and head on the Samadhi, feel the coolness and comfort of the Samadhi, still pretending I’m a sponge, I absorb the energy as much as I can from Him.
The first three days were a killer.
Remember I said I was down to one stick a day? Well that one stick was still an addiction. I had to kill it off.
For three days, I sat at the exact same spot in the Darshan Hall, visualising, contemplating, meditating. I had to fight the urge to smoke, endure the body pains for sitting in a position for a long time, and battle the sad, painful memories.
The fourth day was when I could actually shift or forget the body pains. It works at times and sometimes it doesn’t. But I realised it comes with practice.
I end my day by visiting the temple of the Goddess Gayathri and Lakshmi. If you hear the recordings from the previous posts clearly, the bells that you hear is from the Goddess Gayathri’s temple.
I have to admit. I went a little overboard with the visualising part as there were times when I used to just place my hands on the walls of the temple and do my circumambulation. I used the hand gestures again.
But I really wanted to free myself. I wanted to be free. I wanted to be healed and I did anything that made me think that I could do it.
The fourth or fifth day was when I grew tired of asking to be healed. I guess, this is when I realised that instead of asking, I should start believing. This was when I just did Pranayama and sometimes meditated on the Vedic chants. I could easily slip into the “meta-state” as Sister Roshini puts it.
And this was when I realised I could actually control my thoughts and emotions (still needs lots and lots of practice though). I could go into this state of “emptiness”. That weird feeling where your mind’s empty. This is when you start hearing your true self. Your inner voice. Random voices/thoughts suffused with love and buttered with Truth arise. You know it’s no trick of the mind as you believe that it IS your innerself talking to you. It makes one ponder after meditation, on how such a thought comes. Who brought this thought? Who IS the thinker? And who IS thinking actually?
The second last day of my trip was when I gave up my life. I’ll write about this soon. I think I’ve written more than enough for today.
However, based on what I’ve written, we can safely say that the Mind is a powerful tool. It should be trained to have positive thoughts. My Master, Swami, summarised the power of thoughts beautifully, “God, if you think, God you are. Dust if you think, dust you are. As you think, so you become. Think God, be God.”
With that, I end today’s post.
Love you all always. Always have, always did and always will,