Alright back home. A little tipsy but this post is a must because these thoughts have been running through my head.
I remember those car rides in the nights and in the early mornings, past mangosteen fields and palm oil trees. Rubber estate and plantations. Nearly 2/3 of my childhood was spent on these fucking car rides (it started when I was 5).
Rides after rides, destinations after destinations, disappointment after disappointments. Finding a cure for my brother. We journeyed through mosques, temples, chinese temples, shrinks, doctors, hospitals, clinics, psychiatrists, etc etc.. But none could find a cure for his disability. This is also one of the reasons why I believe in many religions (and to you Pro-Sikh cunts, fuck you all. We didn’t jump religion. We just had to believe in certain things. So fuck you all Pro Extremist Sikhs. Fuck you cousins too for being such ego maniacs and thinking we jumped religion. Fuck you all for consistently avoiding this family of mine. For giving us all those cold weird stares. Bunch of cowardly morons).
I used to get fed up riding in those car rides but mum kept having this hope that some day Upi would walk again.
We met this shrink in a temple once, and he said Upi would walk when he becomes 12 years old. I was 9 then. I had hope. I had faith. I knew he would walk when he’s 12.
Come September 19th 1998, he was 12 years old, Upi still didn’t walk. And yet, I had this hope that he would walk somewhere in between that age. But no he didn’t and now he’s 25 years of age and he still doesn’t walk nor talk.
So there. That’s faith and hope for you.
What do I remember most about all those incidents above? I remember them shrinks tying these red threads around my brother’s and my hands for good luck purposes. I remember cutting chicken heads and cutting goats for the supposedly demi Gods as a form of forgiveness for my brother’s karma. I remember smearing myself with lime and bathing in cold water on my brother’s behalf in the cold mornings as a form of offering for the Gods.
Did it work? No.
The relatives thought we were a bunch of lunatics. Sure. My dad was a bus conductor, mum was a factory worker. While you, dear relatives of mine, rotten snakes, worked in your fucking clinics and air conditioned offices, mum and dad slogged to find the cash to meet more such funny shrinks.
Ofcourse we’re weird. This is my family. Fuck you cousins. Really. Fuck you all.
We stopped seeing all those shrinks and shit after that and just left it to God.
Reason why we don’t go to the Gurdwaras? Well if we do bring Upi along, everyone screams, shouts and yells at him like as though he’s a circus monkey. Never seen a disabled kid before? Fuck Gurdwaras and temples. Prefer praying at home. Infact, fuck religion. Fuck God even.
I get annoyed when I see siblings fighting to be honest. I mean, what the fuck are you guys fighting for? Running from home? Family/house pressure? Sibling rivalry? Fuck that shit. Imagine living the entire life with a disabled brother who can’t talk nor walk. That’s definitely fun isn’t it? He can’t run, nor can he talk back. He can’t even walk for fuck sake. Absolute joy to just see him lie down there like a vegetable and listen to the radio all fucken day.
Fuck you all for running away from home. Fuck you all for feeling jealous over a sibling just because he/she gets more attention. Fuck you all for being able to walk and talk and communicate with your siblings. Even worst, fuck you all for being egoistic and not putting down the foot to talk to a sibling. I would give everything just to hear him say my name clearly without any speech impediment. Bunch of dick wads..
All of you all are a bunch of cowards. I’ve never seen anyone as worst as you all. Fuck you all. Seriously.
My brother’s not going to live long (approx. life expectancy is just 30 years max for a cerebral palsy patient. Go look it up). So yeah, it’s party for me.
While you idiots run away from home, fight and injure your loved ones, quarrel amongst your siblings, I just sit, put his favorite radio channel and listen along.
Awesome awesome life. What have you been through? Nothing. Idiots..
Don’t come and give me this bullshit that you’ve been through everything in life. Fuck you. You’ve been through nothing. My shit’s worst than your shit asshole.
Wanna swap lives? I’ll gladly do so. Fuck you all for being useless, selfish, cowardly bastards.
Shame on you. Burn yourselves alive. Morons..