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  • Email: nitrogue@gmail.com
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Twitter Dilemma

 

See this is where I don’t understand. I’ve observed Twitter and I’ve also observed a lot of celebrities and as well as people I follow and I’ve realised they’re all lying to themselves and to the people who’re following them.

 

Confused?

 

Here’s an example: “I’m playing Playstation with my daughter Smile

 

Now THAT statement or tweet or update or whatever you call it is a lie because:

 

a) If you were playing Playstation with your daughter, you wouldn’t have had the time to go on Twitter to update about it

 

b) If you say you’re playing with your daughter, you got to drop everything down and do it. It’s weird to see you stop abruptly and awkwardly in between Street Fighter IV to update your Twitter. I hate pausing during games! Don’t do that. And don’t make me do that.

 

c) You’re lying to all of us and you deserved to be sued under the Penal Code of 69.

 

d) I need to have a word with your wife and tell her that she’s not doing her duty as a wife to remind you of your duties as a dutiful father. And then probably take her out for a date and shag her when you’re not home.

 

I can go on and on.

 

Okay fine. Let’s not dwell on negativity so much.

 

Probably the person mentioned above posted the tweet before he plays Playstation with his daughter.

 

Or probably during one of the game’s loading screen, to kill time he goes on Twitter and updates his status. By the time he does that, the game starts. That way he would have made full use of his time by playing with his daughter and updating Twitter at the same time. Two birds killed in one stone. Everyone’s happy. His Twitter follower’s are happy. He’s happy. Daughter’s happy.

 

Right?

 

Wrong!

 

What if, after posting the tweet, he doesn’t play Playstation with his daughter at all because he loses interest in it right after posting that tweet? “Hmmm maybe I should continue tweetering”

 

What if after posting it, he goes out golfing with his co-workers leaving the poor daughter playing Silent Hill all by herself?

 

Or worst, what if he goes to a brothel and sleeps with one of the cheap whores there while his daughter plays Silent Hill all by herself?

 

Or what if he sells his daughter to a Thai gangster who runs a syndicate of trafficking little kids for sex so that he can get himself a new Android phone to update and use Twitter frequently (all this done secretly while the daughter’s busy playing Silent Hill all by herself)?

 

Orrrr what if he’s trying to show the world that he’s a good father? (She’s still playing Silent Hill all by herself)

 

Maybe a few of his daughter’s friends are following him and since he’s been a bad father, the daughter had been bitching about him to her girlfriends. Dad finds out his daughter’s friends are on Twitter and learns from them that his daughter had been bitching about him to them.

 

As a form of retaliation, he decides to post this tweet as a way to mask and conceal the fact that he’s a useless cunt of a father. He wants to show the world that he’s a good man. Just like a politician, he plays his game well.

 

The girlfriends believe every word the father posts and realise that their friend had been “lying” to them. They confront her.

 

“You lied! You told us your dad’s an asshole! But we saw his Twitter update and he claims to have been playing Playstation with you!”

“Noooo don’t believe every word he says! He’s lying! All men lie! They all do including my father!”

 

“Liar! You’re a lying whore and a lying slut and you deserved to be spanked!”

 

“I’m a lying whore? And a lying slut? Which one am I? Make up your minds!”

 

“Both! Come here you!”

 

A catfight issues.

 

Two girls against one. They fight, pull each other’s hair out. Call each other painful names that you hear in hardcore porn movies such as “You whore!” “You slut!” “You bitch!”.

 

Somehow, a bunch of crowd gathers around to watch the unfolding scene. And not surprisingly enough 80% of the crowd are highly stimulated curious men with nearly 60% of them having boners under their pants.

 

0.5% of them who have problems with their pee pee have already ejaculated prematurely in their underpants (0.1% of them ejaculated prematurely going commando). 

 

Anyways, back to the unfolding stimulating action.

 

With their shirts ripped apart and both boobs hanging out from their shirts, bleeding and coughing and slowly limping, the battle is over. Daddy’s daughter has lost and her friends ditch her.

 

She lies there, in a cloud of evaporating dust and smoke thanks to the ensuing struggle and fight, with both boobs hanging out, her shirt torn, her hair ripped apart, bleeding, as the crowd of men still have disturbing and violent imaginations of fornicating her as they stare at her. But no one steps out to help. She has lost her dignity. Her self respect. She has lost her friends. She’s a mess. And she seems to have lost her left bra strap too..

 

She gets up, cleans herself, gathers her stuff and slowly limps away. Tries to tuck in both her boobs but since her shirt’s torn, gives up and  covers them instead.

 

She’s defeated. 

 

The crowd looks on while they still have violent and imaginative illusions of fornicating her.

 

***

 

Now, all alone in her room and nobody to talk to, daddy’s girl takes her own life and dies killing herself with rat poison. But not before updating her Facebook status, deactivating it and blogging about how shitty her life is.

 

She dies in a pool of rat poison mixed with vomit all by herself alone..

 

Alone or was she?

 

For deep within the shadows something lurks. From the shadow a figure emerges triumph!

 

Dad. Yes the very same one who Tweets frequently.

 

He had been watching everything unfolding in the shadows, laughing secretly to himself. His plan had paid off. Everything that he had been planning for such a long time has come true. All thanks to lying on Twitter! And now he moves on to take over the world. Via Twitter!

 

***

 

I just scrolled above and read the whole thing. Damn, I’ve got a good sense of imagination. Extremely over thinking and over reacting thoughts, but they seem to make a good plot for a good dark movie about a man taking over the world via Twitter but not before taking his own daughter’s life. With a few added lesbian nude scenes at the beginning parts of the movie this movie would sell!

 

Anyways, as I was coming to the point of topic: Yes! That man’s lying.

 

He shouldn’t tweet and should instead spend 101% of his dedicated time like a dutiful father by playing Playstation with his daughter (AND enjoying the whole experience at the same time).

 

***

 

Anyways, I was just feeling bored and thought of a person who would actually over react over such small situations such as the one above. I pictured myself being in that person’s shoes (which was easy because I do over react and over think a lot. But not that you care ofcourse) and decided to write it and wallah!

 

A masterpiece was ejaculated out. 

 

But for those smart ones out there, after reading everything above, if given the opportunity, you would have asked me, “Okay fine. The guy probably didn’t play Playstation with his daughter and we don’t really care. The question is, what were YOU doing while on Twitter?”

 

My reply would be: “I was driving.”

 

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