July 31st 2010
Just came back from the Sai Pre World Conference. Meeting the folks was a very awkward experience. Some seemed a little distant, some seemed not to bother and yet there were a few who were glad to see me. But yes, the sadistic fanaticism was still there amongst almost majority of them.
July 30th 2010
Attended my first bhajans after such a long gap. It was a very unsettling experience. It was good, but didn’t really enjoyed it as much as I tried. My leg was killing me so I had to stand up and sit on the staircase right after the bhajans.
July 29th, 2010 9.30 P.M.
After burying Lessy, and after posting the blog post, i thought of going to bed and sleeping it all off. But I couldn’t sleep as I was feeling restless.
So went to the hall and was about to ask Dad if he wanted to get any beers, when he turned around and said, “Let’s go out and eat. We both need some fresh air.”
It was weird driving in the same car that had Lessy’s body.
We stopped by at Salma Bheevi’s and had some chicken rice. We munched on dinner quietly.
Then I popped him the question that was in my mind for the past few months.
“I wanna ask you a question. You can answer me honestly. Don’t be afraid of answering it.”
“Okay.” He said, putting down his fork and spoon.
“How long more do you think you have time to live?”
He observed me for a few moments and then said, “4 to maybe 5 years more.”
“The doctors told you this?”
“No. Doctors haven’t said a thing yet.” He replied.
I paused and then said, “I hope, you can wait till I graduate and get a steady job. You know, so if anything happens to you, I can manage the whole thing.”
Come to think of it. It was a silly thing to ask and say. But I’m afraid. It’s the fear in me that prompted me to do this. I can be such a weakling at times.
“Pray.” was his reply.
July 29th, 2010 6.15 P.M.
My dad tsked and shook his head as I drove the car. We had just buried Lessy and were on our way home.
“I can’t believe it. Just yesterday I saw her jumping about. She was herself. Very much active.” I said to my dad.
“This is life. It’s unpredictable.”
“I wish it was simple.”
“Nothing is simple. Everything comes with a price.” He shook his head and said, “She was a good friend. Never had much freedom. Always locked up most of the time in her cage. Now she’s free.”
“I still can’t believe she’s gone.” I was talking to myself actually.
My dad replied, and it was one of the most profound statements ever made, “Life is not real but Death is true. This is a fact. Sooner or later, every living thing has to die. Whether one is a famous person, or a road side beggar, Death, is the only thing that treats everyone equally and with justice. Every living being has to bow down before Death.”
“Death doesn’t care if you’re Malay or Chinese or Black. When it comes to you, it comes to you. That’s it. No discrimination nothing.”
I kept driving.
“Infact, we should all adopt the qualities of Death. Observe how it embraces us despite our differences. It does not discriminate, or makes remarks. It silently embraces us and takes us to a different location. Death is a beautiful thing Sonu.”
There was silence in the car except for the loud humming sound which we all have gotten used to from Dolly, our old Datsun. My dad then spoke.
“She’s in a much better place now.”
We drove on silently back home without Lessy.