Owh God, these four months are going to be extremely tough. I wish I was in Uni instead of being at home, sleeping late, waking up late. It’s tiring seeing your mum wheeling your disabled brother in and out of father’s room, into the hall, she makes a turn and then back again into the room. It’s like she’s hoping that by each turn she makes, each time she returns to the room, she wishes to see my father alive and breathing. And brother’s being quiet most of the time. I think it has set into him that dad’s dead. It’s tiring seeing what used to be a family of 5 has now turned to 3 people. In the end, there were three and then the number would go down again and slowly it would be me.
It’s tiring to sleep late, and then when mum goes to work, all you do is get out of the house, perch yourself at the porch or sometimes sit on the old rattan chair that dad used to sit, and smoke your lungs out, hoping.. waiting for something to happen but nothing really happens.
I hate waiting…
I’m tired of life really. No, I’m not having any suicidal thoughts but have you ever felt tired of life? You know.. when you don’t really know what to do with it. The thing is, people say “Make it happen.” But what is it that I need to make happen? I don’t even know what I want or do. How can I possibly make things happen when I do not know what I want or to do with life?
If ever I get to see God, these would be a few of the questions that I would ask:
1. Why and how did my brother actually become disabled?
2. What do you really want me to be in life?
3. What’s the purpose of me being here? Don’t give me that crap where I have to seek enlightenment. That’s a long shot. What do you want me to do and be in this life? A doctor, or lawyer or a garbage collector? Tell me.
These three questions would suffice.
It would have been easier if God made himself visible or atleast we can hear him when we seek these questions. He tells you directly himself instead of giving you hints and tips through books or things you see. Wouldn’t that be much easier and faster?
“Hey God, so do you think I should be a writer?”
“Ummm no. I don’t think so. You should be a pharmacists instead.”
“Ahh alright. Gotcha.”
And then you do pharmacy and then become a pharmacists and everything goes well.
And he should give you warnings. Instead of showing signs from objects (such as when something bad happens, a mirror or a photo frame breaks). That confuses the shit out of people. Why can’t he just come and tell us, “Hey Sukh! Guess what??”
“Is that you God? What?”
“Some shit’s gonna happen, I want you to stay indoors today.”
“Alright.” And I’ll bolt my front door, lock myself up in the room and I wouldn’t get mugged.
Wouldn’t life be easy that way?
Speaking of mugging, why can’t he make himself visible and heard to those thieves out there.
“It’s me, God.”
“Owh shit.. God! You scared the crap out of me. I was about to crack open this safe lock.”
“Don’t do it man. Stealing and robbing is bad.”
“Damn man.. but I need the cash.”
“Don’t worry about it. Believe in me. Quit stealing and I’ll find a way for you to get cash. Alright? Now gently put the apparatus down before you hurt someone.”
“Alright.. alright.. alright.. Safe.”
See. Wouldn’t that be easier? Things would be so much peaceful. Everyone would be happy. No one would be sad. None of the September 11 shit or what not would have had happened.
God yells, “Everyone! Get the fuck out of the building! There are two jets heading your way!”
Everyone runs out and no one gets hurt. Well, except for the terrorists and the passengers in the plane but if I were God, I would have warned everyone not to board that plane.
“No way man! Don’t get on that damn plane! It’s heading to the twin towers in New York.”
“You fucken shitting me God?”
“Do I look like I am?”
“Alright.. alright I won’t board it. I’ll go home to my wife and two kids and lead a happy normal life. That way, my wife doesn’t need to mourn over my death and never need to overcome it. Right God?”
“You betcha son!”
If I were God, that’s what I’ll do. God, if you’re reading this, I know this post is a little sarcastic. But you know me, I’m an asshole. So yeah, come on. Hear me out.
Call me sometime. We can go out bowling or something. Or a movie. Just the two of us.
God?? Hellooooo… ??
Awh crap there you go missing again. Damn it!