“I have been a seeker and I still am, but I stopped asking the books and the stars. I started listening to the teaching of my Soul.” – Mevlana Rumi
Before I start today’s post, I wish to express my gratitude to my parents. If it was not for them, for their good attitude and loving, innocent character (and not forgetting their good Karma) I would not have gotten in touch or known my Master. I owe every single good of my life to them. However, the bad that came out of my life, was out of my own doing
I also owe my gratitude to a few people who made me realise that I need to get in touch with my old spiritual self again. Sherwin, for opening my eyes and my heart. Stephanie for healing me (prior to the trip). Aunty Pushpa, who constantly called my mother, visited her and kept her company during my absence. Bala, I remember what you said to me after my first healing session, “Bro, you need to find your old spiritual self again. You lost it and that’s why you’re like this.” Snow and my loving group of friends, for supporting my decisions and constantly hearing me out.
I thank Swami, my Master, for passing away physically. Thank you for removing the veil of Maya that surrounded your body that made many of us realise that You have always been within us. Thank you for merging into us.
I also thank my physical Father. If it was not for your passing, I would always have taken this life for granted. Thank you for reminding me that Death is the only thing inevitable and that Death, is also another beginning.
I also owe my biggest gratitude of all to you. If we had not met and separated and never gone through the things that we went through, and you never saying that I was weak and needed to work on myself and get over my dad’s passing, I would still be depressed, angry and upset with myself and the world. I also realised, that the problem was with me and whatever I saw and heard from you was but a reflection of myself. All that indecisiveness, that fear, that contradictions, it was all within me. Thank you for making me realise and thank you bringing and showing me Light. You know who you are and I’ve always held you close to my heart
Lastly, I also wish to thank mySelf for bracing the changes, setting and plotting everything in my life unconsciously and subconsciously for this trip to happen. Many things that took place in this trip, opened so much and answered many things. Thank you, thank you, thank you
I’ve written about what took place in the first few days of my soul realising trip to Parthi. But in this post, I wish to write what took place prior to the trip as this is important.
The night before the trip, I could not sleep. I tossed and turned and I had massive butterflies in my tummy. I thought about it, as to why I was so nervous and afraid. I even talked about it to Bala over dinner but yet I couldn’t find the answer why.
That midnight, I took the car out for a drive and went to the nearby Mamak. I had tea, a cigarette and then pondered and questioned myself why I was afraid.
My eyes set on the cigarette.
That answered my question. I knew that the trip would be a life changing one. And my old ugly self was afraid of the change. I could sense that a part of me wanted to change, wanted to evolve into a better soul, but another part of me preferred this ugly self, which was so much in comfort (or thought it was). Doctor Sola said, since the Golden Age looms ever closer, many of us will face inner conflicts with our inner-selves as part of our soul wants to evolve and the other doesn’t want to. This explains why many marriages don’t work, many relationships don’t work and many family issues are facing challenges. A lot of us are burning Karmas in one go which also explains why many face challenges/problems one after another. All these is a way of our Higher Conscious preparing us for the shift of energy in December 2012. Again, it’s our choice if we wish to remain the old way or brace the new way.
I was afraid. I shivered in the cold as a part of me begged the other not to go for the trip. I realised, as much as I wanted to change, a part of me was extremely afraid of changing.
But I said, “No! Enough is enough. Out you go!”
I smoked my last cigarette that night. Threw the lighters into the drain and drove off.
“I’m sorry. But I want to change and become stronger physically, mentally and spiritually.” I affirmed to myself, leaving my old ugly self beside the drain, crying profusely holding the lighter and ciggies. I left my old self there.
The week prior to the trip, something curious happened. I was supposed to be practicing vegetarianism to further prepare me for the trip. And I remember Uncle Vasu telling me two months back, “Don’t force yourself to be a vegetarian. It’ll come naturally.” So I didn’t force myself and I waited for the right time.
And that day came. I had Nasi Lemak Ayam (Chicken) with my friends from college that day. I went back home and vomited every bit of chicken and rice out. It was asthough my stomach had enough of it. Enough of meat!
Curiously, my other friends had no such problems when I probed them on this. Everyone of them was fine and well.
It hit me then that I have to be a vegetarian.
Now the very mention of meat or even the sight of it brings disgust to my stomach.
I spoke to Doctor Sola in Parthi during the second day of the trip. I asked him how to quit smoking. And he asked me back, “Do you know why you’re smoking?”
“No doctor. I guess I’m addicted to it.”
“Why are you addicted to it?”
“I.. don’t know..”
And he replied, “It’s because you lack self love. Smoking is a sign of people lacking in love for themselves. Cut your sticks slowly weekly. Love yourself more. Fill yourself with love and you’ll be fine.”
Funnily, that was exactly what I was practicing! Remember, I kept posting updates about how many sticks I was smoking etc?
I eventually killed off my smoking habit during the trip on the 4th day. Ofcourse there are times now when I do have the urge to smoke when I’m with my friends, but I remember the last day of the trip, and that has kept me in check
I’ll tell you all more about the trip soon. I love you all! Thank you for reading the post.
Love, love, love and lots and lots of Love