Today, after a long time, I had the most beautiful dream ever.
I was in my house when I got information that Swami would be visiting us. So we got the house cleaned up and ready for Him to arrive.
Time flew and by the time we knew, it was evening (around 7ish) the sun was about to set when we heard that His car had arrived. I waited impatiently with my parents at the entrance to our house and from the silhouette from the windows I could see a few figures walking towards the entrance of our house. One was hunched, short and wore this orange robe but as the silhoutte approached nearer and when the person’s face came into view, I realised that person wasn’t Swami but one of His students.
Realising that Swami is not coming to our house, I felt this frustration build in my heart and I pushed the student aside and walked out of my house and looked down to see if Swami’s car was downstairs (I live in the flats).
And true enough, I saw his car and I understood why He couldn’t walk up to our house. He was old and walking up the stairs would be difficult. The moment this understanding set in, Swami pulled down the window and I saw his face.
Our eyes met and He smiled and I melted. I started crying. I infact waved at Him like how one does when one sees a friend.
He continued smiling and I continued crying.
And then He said something in Telugu to the person sitting next to him which was audible. And funnily, there were people watching Swami from the same floor as I was and there was a man next to me.
Swami said something, and I asked the man next to him, “What did Swami say?”
The man said, “Swami says, “This boy here, even after trying to push him away from Me, he still wants to be closer to Me.””
And hearing this I wept even more and I said to Swami from where I was standing, “Swami, that’s because I got no one else to turn to.”
Swami smiled and I woke up.
What really struck me was not what Swami said, but what I said to Swami. I’ve never really asked myself as to why am I still in the movement even after my self imposed exile. And whatever I said to Swami, I think, was what my conscious thought and believed in. I really don’t have anyone to turn to but Him.