“Bro, you sure I can wear this handkerchief with the logo of your religion on it?” Bala asked me as we stood at the Gurdwara’s entrance.
“Why? You’re scared?” I asked him and grinned.
“No bro.. i mean, I don’t want them to slaughter me because they might think i’m trying to pose as a Punjabi guy by wearing this handkerchief on my head” Bala looked extremely worried.
I patted him on the shoulder. “Bro, we are more than happy when a non Punjabi wears our religion’s logo and walks in to our Gurdwara. It shows that you guys are interested in converting into our religion” I replied jokingly and laughed.
“Owhh okay man.. whatever you say” He looked at the black handkerchief and then at me. “So how do you tie it?”
I showed him the method, and in a minute, Bala had the handkerchief tied around his head.
“Okay bro, ready to do the Bhangra?” I joked.
“Okay let’s go Phen Chod!” I motioned Bala to walk through the main entrance, only to realise it was locked. Both of us tried opening it but it was still shut tight.
I looked at Bala and said, “Okay let’s try the side entrance then”
The Gurdwara was slightly silent. We had arrived late and most of the people had gone back home. Only a few bunch of people were down at the Langgar Hall (The dining hall).
“Bro, this is the Langgar Hall.” I pointed to the place.
“Wow, Langar Hall” He said as he observed the place with awe.
“No. It’s Langgar Hall. Say Lannnnngggggggarrrrrr.”
“Correct! Now all you need is a Punjabi girlfriend” i joked.
We stopped at the flag which was near the main entrance. “Bro, that’s our flag.” I pointed to it.
“Wow it’s beautiful” He replied with awe, again.
“Owhh okay, do you guys change it every time?”
“Do we?” I grinned.
“Bro, be serious. I’m really interested to know about your culture and religion” Bala was getting annoyed.
“Yeah we do. Every April the 14th. Mark the date, tons of hot Punjabi chics in Punjabi suits and shit.”
I turned and then stopped and then turned back to Bala. “Bro, by the way, the flag is the first thing a Sikh should give his respects to before he enters the Gurdwara. It’s like, Ganesha. You give respects to Ganesha first before any other gods, so yeah, similar thing with the flag”
“Ahh i see. Interesting!” Bala observed the flag fluttering in the night and then slowly turned to me and observed me.
“What?” I asked.
“Aren’t you gonna give your respects?”
“Do i have to?” I grinned.
“Okay! Okay! I will! Mannnn….” I looked at the flag and bowed a quick one.
Next we headed upstairs to the meet Guru Granth Sahib Ji.
“Okay bro, first thing’s first.” i said as we climbed the stair case. “Are you circumcised?”
“No bro, i’m not”
I stopped walking. “Okay, we got a problem then”
“Why??” Bala was getting worried.
“You have to be circumcised in order to get into the temple. I’m so sorry for not telling you earlier bro. I totally forgot.”
“Owhh shit! You serious??”
I looked at him, laughed and said, “Nahh bro, i’m just kidding. Come on, walk the stairs”
We reached upstairs, and at the end were a bunch of sinks. And the sinks were divided into two sections, one for the gents and one for the women.
I motioned Bala to walked to the gents side.
“Now bro, first thing’s first. We Sikhs believe in cleanliness. Before we meet our Guru, we have to clean our hands and legs.”
“Ahhh i see. Interesting!”
“You’re not permitted to wash thy hands at the women’s sink. If caught washing thy hands at the women’s sink, thy hands will be cut off”
“Yes i am dead serious!”
We washed our hands and turned to wipe our hands on the towel at the back, only to realise there were no towels.
“Okay bro, there were supposed to be towels at this spot right here” I pointed to the wall.
“Okay. So now what do we do?”
“We do the logical thing.”
“Walk over to the women’s side, wipe our hands on their towels and avoid getting caught”
I was truly enjoying myself. The both of us walked over to the ladies side and wiped our hands on their towels there, all the while looking if anyone will spot us. I was pretending to look around.
Two women, one must be the daughter (she was hot!) walked and observed our antics.
After wiping our hands, we stood at the Darbar Sahib (the entrance).
“Okay bro, you got coins?” I asked Bala.
“Err let me check” He checked and he had no coins. “No bro, no coins.”
“What about a 1 ringgit note?”
“10 ringgit note?”
“Nope. I only got 50”
“Okay that would be good.”
“But why the money bro?”
I looked at Bala and replied, “Because apparently, our God loves money.”
“Nahh i’m just kidding. But you do need to put coins in the box thing over there. So i tell you what, you pretend you’re putting coins in there. No one will notice.”
“Okay bro. Thanks for the idea”
“But wait!” I said.
“The box is made of steel. The coin is made of steel too! If steel and steel collide, they’re supposed to make sound. So when you pretend to drop something in there, and no sound comes of it, people will suspect something”
“Jesus! So what do we do?”
“Relax, i got some coins” Owhh man.. i was truly enjoying myself!
The both of us stood at the entrance and i told Bala to observe me, on how i entered the Gurdwara.
I walked in, and infront of me was the hot Punjabi chic i was telling you guys earlier. I quickly turned around, mouthed the word “Wow!” and winked at Bala.
The both of us paid our respect to the Guru Granth Sahib, dropped the coins into the steel box slowly walked over to the podium like thingy where someone supposedly distributed the sweet Gappas (sweet oily stuff which are awesome!).
But to my horror, the Gappas had finished and they only had the sweet sugary cubes (Misris). I apologized to Bala.
“It’s alright bro.” Then he looked at the wall behind the podium. It had words in Punjabi. “Bro, what does that mean?”
“Owh that one?” I pointed to the words.
“Yeah that one.”
I casually replied, “Owh it means, “Thee is not allowed to look at the females. Looking at them will resort to us slaughtering thee and hanging thee on the flag.””
“Owhh crap you can’t be serious”
I laughed and slapped him on the back (the back as in the back, not the ass) and said, “Nahh man just kidding. Quit worrying and enjoy the misri.”
We found a good spot to sit, had a good chat about religion (and Punjabi chics) and i took him downstairs to have his dinner.
Bala was really glad to be in the Gurdwara, so much so he wants to have another trip there.
“We should have an educational day sorta field trip! Bring all the Balvikas kids and show them about Sikhism” He said.
“Yeah and perhaps convert them too” I joked.
I realised, there’s so much of similarities between every religion, that sometimes it amuses me when they fight amongst themselves. Truly, like the sun, religion gives light to one and all and yet again, when the drought comes, forest fires erupt, religion can be the main cause of problems in the world.
I made a promise to myself, to learn up more about my religion (so that i won’t crap around like what i did to Bala), and bring Vashi to the Gurdwara. Perhaps Natalie can join us too 😛