Search
  • writer, shutter-bug & bookworm
  • Email: nitrogue@gmail.com
Search Menu

PREGNANCY FOR CLUELESS MEN: The First Trimester

IMG_0678

Surprise!

So your wife or girlfriend or sister or step sister or close friend is pregnant and you as a man have no clue what to do since majority of men’s health magazines don’t really deal with such a subject.

However, I personally feel this is a very important subject for men to know and trust me when I say this, pregnancy is when the spirit of both sexes are truly tested. Everything else you’ve read about manhood in the male magazines have been total bull and the female magazines have been totally biased.

This IS the real deal.

gainweight

 

When it comes to pregnancy, we’re talking about having a family. And having a family requires teamwork.

Many often mistake pregnancy as something related to women only. This is true to a certain extent but us men play a huge role and hold great responsibility in this as well.

Sadly, there has been extremely scarce articles for clueless men like me on pregnancy from a male perspective. With that, based on direct experience, I’ve decided to document the stages of pregnancy to assist you dudes.

In this post, I’ll be talking about the basic stuff on pregnancy, what to expect and what to do during the first trimester.

 

IMG_0677

Ultrasound image of our little dragon at 6-weeks!

 

What is a trimester?

A trimester is basically a period of nine months broken into three parts consisting of 40 pregnancy weeks.

The first trimester is the crucial stage of the baby’s development as the mother’s body prepares and readies itself for the teeny weeny foetus to grow and expand during the consecutive weeks. It lasts for 14 weeks.

Here is a quick recap of a baby growing in a tummy incase you forgot your science lessons in school. 

Your woman may experience multiple trips to the toilet daily for either one of these symptoms; nausea, vomiting and/or pissing, breast tenderness and at times even vaginal cramps.

Her taste buds change and her sense of smell heightens or lessens (depending on the individual) and she develops cravings for some particular food or fruit. For my wife’s case, she started developing a massive craving for mangoes and she was never really a fruit person!

Your missus would also probably complain of having stomach bloatedness and this is usually accompanied by massive bouts of belching, burping and yes even farting.

 

fart

This is Ista’s definition of a blowjob. Even her humour tends to get a little… weird.

 

Get your gas mask ready because some of them farts can really leave you with a migraine. I never knew some of the stinkiest farts in the history of flatulence actually came from a beautiful woman who is my wife.

Also, get ready to splurge some cash as well as some ladies who are particularly fussy about their food, get triple fussy about them. Majority of the time, the purchased food item is turned down for being not tasty or causing them to feel nauseas.

Most importantly, ensure she stays hydrated at all times!

However, there is really nothing to worry as these are but symptoms that the baby is developing well in the womb.

 

perut

Pix sketched by Ista of her tummy enroute to Kuala Lumpur from Kerala, India

 

Now, what CAN you do?

1. Ensure you’ve got her a good gynecologist or a doctor. This is when your doctor or nurse friend comes in handy and be sure to warn them ahead that they may be receiving frequent Whatsapp messages or calls late at nights.

2. Make her feel as comfortable as possible. And by comfortable, you got to treat her like she is your queen. Meaning, don’t get on her nerves because this is the stage when she can get extremely emotional and cranky with a wee tinge of mood swings. Massages, back rubs, cuddles, genuine compliments, surprise gifts and witty humour helps alot. You can put all those one liners you’ve been saving up to pick up some pretty chic in a bar five-years-ago to good use here.

3. Your missus may fall sick from time to time as her immune system is low to prepare for the baby. This is also a period when chemical medicines aren’t really recommended as it may hamper the baby’s development process. So try to avoid traveling overseas at all cost. And if she does fall sick, try home made natural remedies.

 

beforefafter

 

4. Music, light exercise and yoga helps! Your wife may complain of feeling fat or being fat (go figure) so these may boost her confidence and keep her fit. If she is not in the mood for all that, try doodling and painting. Or reading or writing or picking up a new musical instrument. Best time to explore the artistic side! If she doesn’t want to do all the above then perhaps you’re with a lazy ass whiny bitch who flirts with the notion of having a baby but isn’t actually ready to be a responsible strong mum.

5. Patience! Yes, it is a huge mother fucking virtue to be patient with your cranky other half as she undergoes a metamorphosis from the sweet, petite girl you first met into a gorgeous, dazzling Goddess who literally gifts life. Meditation in the mornings and probably jogging or yogas in the evenings might do the trick for you. Also, this is a good time to hit the gym as for husbands of fussy women, you may have to eat portions of their food too!

6. This one is for you ladies. Yes, we men are clueless but we DO care! So cut us some slack too if we ever screw up or do or say something silly. The supposedly perfect man died on the cross 2,000 years ago. We’re the result of his “Go forth and multiply” speech. Also, although most women complain and claim that they’re the ones having to go through shit for having the baby, many forget that responsible men and dutiful husbands stay up until late at night to ensure your cranky bitch ass self has good comfortable rest. If your pregnant wife is feeling cranky, make her read this.

 

fat

 

7. As you two approach the end of the first 14-weeks, it is also a good time to shop for some comfortable clothes for your missus. Because her tummy is gonna get a lot bigger man!

Finally but most importantly, just be there for her no matter how cranky or emotional she gets and no matter how hard you try not to bitch slap her for her sarcastic remarks and at times seemingly not appreciating some of the things you do. It’s part and parcel of the pregnancy.

Me lady is now in her 10th week and so I shall end this post with a link detailing the remaining two trimesters. Click here: http://www.ucsfhealth.org/conditions/pregnancy/trimesters.html

And hey, congratulations! Give yourself a good pat at the back, be proud, feel proud for having the balls to have a baby and welcome to finally becoming a man!

P/S: Feel free to share your experiences or comments here! I am contactable via nitrogue at gmail dot com as well. 

 

cojones

Caress your balls and congratulate yourself. You’re a winner!

Comments

Leave a Reply