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Najib FC (Understanding Malaysian Politics Through Football)

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Imagine Malaysia as a football club and Najib as its manager.

"You put the ball up your leg like this and then..."(http://www.todayonline.com/)

“You put the ball up your leg like this and then hop to the goal post” (Pix from todayonline.com)

The club has been under performing ever since he took over eight-years-ago. The head coach is unable to train the players and most of the fans and players are taunted to go back from where they came from whenever they show dissatisfaction.

The club is managed by a bunch of board members who hike ticket sales and only erect 100 seats and then complain that many fans loose interest and stopped coming for matches.

Najib, instead of apprehending his coaches, beats up fans after games in an alleyway whenever they mock him or the board members in the streets. There are also rumours he had killed a few. He also sacks several board members, replaces them with close confidants and locks the team’s captain in the changing room’s toilet.

"This is how you feign an injury boys."

“This is how you feign an injury boys.”

The club’s best players are sold for exuberant prices, apparently to make way for the club’s funding.

The security around the stadium is tightened to the point any fan who is not wearing a jersey is not allowed in and sometimes charged higher. If they don’t like, they can go back from where they come from. Most fans are told to clap and cheer when the LED board above them lights up due to low morale in the fans and players. Those who don’t comply are alienated and are dubbed as not “true” fans.

"Why you wearing yellow?" (Pix from The Star)

“Why you wearing yellow?” (Pix from The Star)

Mahathir, who is the club’s oldest manager, criticises the handling of the club and threatens to remove the manager despite no longer being a board member.

Najib in response, promises the club will perform well during this match only to see themselves being whacked 3-0 by another club during a World Cup qualifier game. This becomes a weekly promise.

To bring in fans, Najib lowers ticket prices only to increase them six hours before fans queue up to purchase their tickets.

With the losing streak, to obtain profits Najib dabbles in match fixing and even has told the players to purposely lose during some matches. Apparently, Mahathir had taught him these tricks.

"This is call the 'pusingan U-turn' trick. I learnt this from Mahathir too!" (Pix from straitstimes.com)

“I call this the ‘pusingan U-turn’ trick. I learnt it from Mahathir too!” (Pix from straitstimes.com)

Good players who point out at this time wasting tactics are demoted to the reserves and some are placed as substitutes. Players from the youth team are trained by professionals from the overseas on how to dive during practises instead of being trained to take winning free kicks.

Unnecessary football equipments are purchased at higher than usual prices and then sold by the coaches at pasar malams to apparently raise funds for the stadium’s new air-conditioned stand which will be completed in 10-years-time.

Frustrated fans start holding protests. They’re tear gassed. Websites promoting the club no longer is run by hardcore fans of the club, instead replaced by hardcore fans of Najib. Those which don’t comply are banned.

"My  wife taught me to kick in this fashion. She says it'll confuse the opponent."

“My wife taught me to kick in this fashion. She says it’ll confuse the opponent.”

And then there is another “protest” made to show “support” to Najib. And the “fans” not only want to hold the protests during match days, but on training days too.

Popcorns and sales of snacks by local fans are banned. Instead the board members hire foreigners, dress them up in buttoned shirts, and order them to sell Ramly Burgers in a posh looking stall situated outside the stadium next to the public toilet. The money from the sales will go to the club’s expenditure.
Coaches spend most of their times golfing during their oversea trips on the pretext of learning training from foreign clubs.

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Najib celebrating the team’s losing streak with the bookies.

Najib continues to say he is the right man for the job and the fans who don’t believe him are stupid because despite the team barely scraping the relegation zone last season, they managed to do it by conceding 42 goals instead of the 45 they did the season before. So it is considered an improvement and a sign the management is doing well.

Meanwhile, only six players are left on the field after two were sent off, two others were carried off injured, the team’s captain is still locked in the changing room’s toilet while the team trails 4-0.

The match is then forfeited after crowd trouble. (Pix from straitstimes.com)

The match is then forfeited after crowd trouble and Malaysia’s ranking takes yet another dip. (Pix from straitstimes.com)

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